
Suit Up Boys!
Monday Night, January 25, St. John’s Lodge hosted the Right Worshipful Grand Master, Bro. Thomas K. Sturgeon, PA Grand Lodge luminaries and all the Lodges of the 7th and 60th districts. This was an open meeting, meaning wives, friends and family were invited. Whew! What a meeting.

Lodge officers getting one set of instructions for the meeting from Bro. Buzzard
As Worshipful Master of St. John’s Lodge, I had to get my orders on where to stand, when to move where, when to say what, etc. Bro Larry Buzzard was the acting Grand Marshal and in charge of organizing and directing the dog & pony show. He did a fine job. Remained calm through it all, though running around like a chicken with its head cut off. There sure are alot of details that need to be addressed in such a production: Officers, Guests, 60 and 50 Year pins & info, photos and on and on.
I think my part changed at least three times within 30 minutes before the meeting started. First I’m to sit to the right of the Grand Master, then in the top seat and move over to the right when he comes in, on and on….the funny thing is, when the Grand Master got up the stage to my station he called an audible and told me to just sit there. It was nice – he was about a foot and a half away from me the whole time – he stood for the entire meeting. All those previous plans and changes were for naught (except, apparantly,to amp up my stress level).
There comes a point in the meeting when each Worshipful Master introduces his Lodge Wardens. Then, being the host Lodge, I had to introduce ALL of our Lodge Officers. My official GL instructions said to have their names and titles printed out in case of a brain fart. Well okay, they didn’t specifically say “brain fart”, but that’s what they meant. Unfortunately for me, I had my list positioned on a small pedestal next to the chair to my right which I was originally supposed to be sitting in. Couldn’t see a single name on it! I was two chairs away from the list and my time was running out. So as the meeting progressed, I tried to get the Senior Deacon’s attention to get up and hand it to me, but he seemed, well – deaf. So all the while the Grand Master and Grand Lodge officers presented 60 and 50 year service emblems in front of the stage, and while the other introductions were going on, I basically heard none of it. I was looking at each of my officers in turn and trying to remember their name and title in proper order…including their middle initial! It’s a challenge not to have that brain fart when you’re used to calling brothers Bob, Gary, Sam, etc…..you’re not used to: “Brother Robert E. Roadcap, Senior Master of Ceremonies, Brother Gary T. Mullen, Junior Master of Ceremonies, Brother C. Samuel Lauck, Pursuviant” and so on. Add in a little pressure from being under the hot stage lights, a good number of members in attendance, plus all your peers (about 18 other Worshipful Masters and their Wardens), the seemingly countless Grand Lodge Officers and other dignitaries all sitting quietly, patiently listening to you while you have to belt out those names so everyone in the auditorium can hear it, then stir in a good helping of last minute changes and no back up plan because that’s on a pedestal two chairs away, then sprinkle on top that the last one on the list, the Chaplain was actually a Past Master just filling in for our regular Chaplain, and his name being this mouthful: ”Brother Harold L. Kahn, Junior, Past Master, Chaplain”…and you’ve got a perfect recipe for a brain fart! Proud to say I had no brain fart.

RWGM Sturgeon with St John's Lodge Officers
Due to mentally reviewing all the names over and over, I have no recollection of anything that happened between the Grand Master’s audible and those introductions – it’s a total blank!
Another highlight of my night as WM hosting the RWGM was the fact that I was just getting over a cold/sinus infection and was being flooded with phlegm (which one would not want to loudly expectorate on stage just a foot and a half away from the RWGM while he’s speaking). I had also brought along a pack of brand new white gloves for the officers to wear so we’d all have nice clean white gloves. Unfortunately, we wore the gloves right out of the package, and they’re not high quality gloves, so after each something (I think the 50 & 60 year presentations – total blank, remember?) there was applause. I noticed as I was reviewing all those officer names in my head that every time we’d applaud, the gloves would leave me in a small cloud of white lint. It floated so peacefully around me and danced in the bright lights of the stage. I doubt the audience could see it, but I sure could. Well, a guy’s gotta breathe and so one time when I inhaled, I sucked in part of one of those little lint clouds. Like magic, it went directly to the back of my throat AND STUCK. So I not only needed to seriously hock some phlegm, but now I had a serious lint-induced cough building up. I had no water handy. Wouldn’t have helped anyway since it would have been with my list on the next pedestal two chairs away. I tried to contain a huge cough spasm…I began sweating, my eyes started to water. I felt like I was about to explode in a huge mushroom cloud of phlegm and new white glove lint. I felt in my pants pocket and there was one lone Ricola cough drop. I shed a glove, reached under my apron for my pocket, located the lone cough drop unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth and sucked on it like…well, you can insert your own nasty analogy. But it worked! No cough, no phlegm bomb, no mushroom cloud of lint. WHEW!

RWGM's Medallion
It was a memorable evening for me. The RWGM laid out his 21st century Masonic Renaissance plan and the logic behind it. Made sense to me. He presented our Lodge with his medallion which commemorates the 100th anniversary of the Masonic Homes.
Plus he gave me a personal gift of the Jerry Garcia Tie he had specially designed.
An hour and forty five minutes or so and it was all over. The planning, coordination, practice, stress, panic, and lint were history. For the RWGM it was on to another future visitation elsewhere, for me it was a teachable moment: Just hang loose, keep lists with you at all times, and wash new gloves before wearing them. Whew!